There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
