one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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