Im at strip club and am horny
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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