i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
