Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
BRING THE BAGELS
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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