I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I did not marry a roomba.
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