cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this boner is exhausting
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
