I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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