my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
