Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
