I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
