The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
