I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up under a house in Key West
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