Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
