Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
