I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
