I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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