i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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