I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
