I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
