i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
