Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
