apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
fuck your aforementioned shoe
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
