Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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