dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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