Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
