there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
how drunk are you?
Several
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
