dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
