Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
