I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
