Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
