cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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