R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
