There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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