I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
