So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
