How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
