I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
