quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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