my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
