bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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