So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
