eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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