yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
