You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Can you bring me the toilet please
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
