For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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