I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
