Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
