this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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