Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
