on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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