Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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