Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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