I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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