so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
