he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
