I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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