One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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