was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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