so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
