My brain says no but my pants say off.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
