matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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