I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
