If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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