So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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