You made me cry and you don't even care
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
