put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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