$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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