my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the night ended with taco bell and tears
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
