I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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